with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
