i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
