i jhust puked up my retainher.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Randomize
