HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
