Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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