Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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