If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
