used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I could make wine with my vomit
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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