Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
