I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
