Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
