the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
