Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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