my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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