dude i'm inner monologue high
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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