were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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