I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
