i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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