covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
3pm strippers are depressing
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
