You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
