What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
