and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
