gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
