hotel room ftw
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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