We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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