You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize