WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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