I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
