Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
