He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
