so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
