if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
