I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
