remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
