Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Randomize
