you're like a bully in the Christmas story
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
