sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
