I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
