so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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