i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
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