what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
