My nipple is on Facebook.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
