girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize