Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Soap is not a condiment
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
