Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
