matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
