Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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