I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
