Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize