Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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