I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
