end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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