i just had sex bonerless
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
