he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
