Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
