I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
