"it" just moved
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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