remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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