In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
