I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
