I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
