It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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