can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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