So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize