if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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