two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
