They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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