I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
