Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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