Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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