I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
